Breaking the Hold Negativity Has On Your Life
A friend of mine once told me that a person can hear one negative thing followed by ten positive things, and the one negative will be what lingers with that person. It’s a fight or flight response in our brains. It’s the negatives that we run from to survive, not the positives. Remembering the negative keeps us safely contained behind the walls of our own comfort zones, but are we contained, or confined?
Looking back on my life, I find that negativity has confined me; it has taught me my limits, and I have been obliged not to cross them. I have created a comfortable, padded cell for myself, in my own mind, believing that I will never make a difference, that no one really cares about my opinions, and that even if people did care, I am not capable of successfully sharing my thoughts with the outside world. My negative thoughts have run my life, and although I have felt unfulfilled and discontented, I have been happy to sit in my cell, and watch the world from my window.
Have you ever thought about the role of negativity in your own life? Take some time to sort through the memories that remain closest to your heart, are they positive and uplifting, or gentle reminders that you are simply not enough? Bad things happen, harsh words are spoken, and sometimes we face “tough love” – all of these play a part in the development of each of our personalities. The question is, how much power have you given the negative things?
There have been many positive moments in my life, many people showing love and encouragement, helping me along this journey of life, and for each of these instances, I am truly grateful. However, it is the discouragement, the lies, and the deep hurt that have molded me most. I am willing to bet that this has happened to many of you, as well. Why does this happen? It’s as though we have no control over it, it’s all subconscious, until it is brought into the light. Based on my own life experiences, the negativity grows into something more harmful – fear. Fears have a way of grabbing onto us and becoming one with our thoughts until it seems that they have enveloped our entire mindset. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, even fear of being successful, play a part in who we are becoming and if we are not careful, they will change us until we can no longer differentiate between fear being something holding us back and our entire way of life.
Our brains naturally give negativity an important place in our brains. Originally, this was a good thing: when something bad is headed your way- run! Times have certainly changed, and although we still need our “flight” response sometimes, when it comes to your well-being and quality of life, it is not always the best answer, is it? When a new opportunity arises that will help you grow as an individual, do you let fear hold you back, or do you put yourself out there to see what happens? When we let fear win, we are giving up and believing the lies that we are just not capable of achieving this goal, or reaching that kind of potential. Are we staying safely within our comfort zones? Absolutely! But, are we growing and living our best lives? Not at all. There is nothing learn from sitting in our padded cells, watching out the window, believing that the sunshine was made for everyone except for us. How will we ever find the door to go outside if we remain settled in the dark?
I am suggesting a way to open the window and welcome the sun: use the negativity as a motivator instead of an inhibitor. Rather than allowing the negatives in your life to dictate who you are and settling for the limits created for you by your fears, use them to fuel you. Stop listening to the lies and start viewing each negative word or event in your life as a challenge – an obstacle to overcome. Do not let the naysayers rule your life, prove to them that there is so much more to you than what they choose to see. I realize that this is a total mindset change that feels completely foreign, almost as if you are breaking the rules. This is a good thing, though, because those rules are the lies you have used to build walls around your life, and they need to be broken. Imagine, just for one moment, that you stepped out of your comfort zone, put yourself out there, and good things actually came from it! How would you feel? How would it change the way you think about yourself and grow your confidence? The smallest changes can make an immeasurable difference in the quality of your life.
I challenge you to make the first change: believe in yourself. Think of how the negativity in your life has been holding you back, and do one thing at a time to prove to yourself that it is simply not true. Every time you find a new opportunity stop believing that it was created for everyone else except for you! Join a new club, apply for a job, experiment with your own DIY projects, write your own music or story – whatever it is that you think about everyday but believe that you just can’t – try! Don’t just pick it up once and sit it back down, either. Try and fail, even, but don’t quit. Learn from the mistakes and recognize that there is a chance that you might just make it next time. It is time to create a new mindset, one that builds up confidence, that dismisses all of the fears that confine you by proving them wrong. It is time to tear down the walls of your comfort zone and see where your life’s journey can really take you. Just take it one step at a time and start turning those negatives into positives.
