Something New

Have you ever looked closely at your life and felt restless and unfulfilled? After a while it starts to wear away at you. For me, the first thought that pops into my head is “I’m stuck – I can’t leave!” The anxiety starts to kick in and I know I am not where I want to be with my life, still, my brain swells with thousands of reasons that I will never survive something new; I’m stuck. Why is it, when facing something outside of my comfort zone, “I can’t” is always one of the first thoughts to enter my mind? “I can’t” has become the rock at the bottom holding up all of my fear; it has held me back for as long as I can remember. “I can’t” will eventually become a barrier between a person and life. For me, this barrier has become so large, that I was ready to settle for a career in which my soul would never find rest. It is not a bad way of life, but it is not what I am happy doing. However, I was doing it, and I was going to continue doing it indefinitely. I was with my family, I was paying the bills, and I was trying to convince myself that I was doing the right thing. “I can’t” started building up more and more lies and fears in my head as the years passed until I was convinced that I would never leave.

If you have ever been in this situation, you know that after a while, you start to feel weighed down all the time, fatigue sets in, and getting out of bed seems harder and harder. This is me, where I am today, only something has begun to change. My husband and I recently took a vacation to Maine. It was our first vacation in three years. My husband had been feeling even more restless than I have and really needed to do something about it. So, we traveled to Baxter State Park and climbed Mount Katahdin. Having never climbed a mountain before, I was filled with self-doubt. “I can’t” ran through my head so many times and I found myself growing fearful. Now, my husband and I love to go walking and jogging together, we also enjoy a good hike, however, the top of this mountain is 5,267 feet in the air, and there was going to be a lot of rock scrambling on a steep incline to get there. I knew that I was not physically ready for this challenge, yet I got in the car, and we drove to the park. I was reluctant to follow my husband into the woods that day, thinking “what am I doing, I’m never going to make it.” But somewhere between the beginning of the first trail, which led to the most gorgeous pond with the mountain towering directly behind it, and the beginning of the second trail that grew steeper and rockier with each step, I began to change my thoughts to “woah, I am doing this!” I was too far in, the word can’t could no longer hold its place in my mind. I started willing myself toward the peak saying ” I can do this” over and over. It took several hours, but we made it to the top! The view was breathtaking. I sat on a boulder and took it all in. I had done it! Not only had I climbed to the top of a mountain, but I had proven to myself that yes, I can.

I had been taught all of my life that things like this were for other people, not me, yet there I was, a mile up, looking down over the trail I had just conquered. I decided at the top of that mountain to ask myself “why not?” when my mind starts building that “I can’t” barrier. Because, in all reality, I think I can. No more fear, no more excuses. When I came home I finally had the courage to say what I had been needing to say for years. Its time for something new. I will be leaving the job that has become comfortably heavy on my soul, to set out into new territory. I have not even figured out a solid plan, but I am trusting that God will guide me in this new journey, and I am excited!

If you have been living on the same boat, try something new. Make a list of the things that interest you. What do you love to do? What makes you happy? Don’t be afraid to take a step in that direction. Don’t let the word can’t rule your life, even when you think what you want to do is impossible; work towards it. Because, you can!