I have heard it said a hundred times, “if you like what you’re doing, you won’t work a day in your life.” I don’t know about any of you, but I am pretty sure that this saying was invented to make most people feel dissatisfied with their jobs. As one of those people, I spend at least a full minute every morning being jealous of my cat, who doesn’t have to do anything all day. I am currently working on my family’s farm. Most people romanticize this, thinking how nice it must be to work with family, doing whatever needs to be done to keep our small business running smoothly. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard “you’re the future of the farm,” or ” I’m so glad they have you here, I don’t know what I would do if this farm wasn’t here.” Of course these words make me feel proud of my family and all that has been accomplished through the last two generations, yet they somehow feel slightly like a prison sentence as well.
Let me take you back a couple of decades to explain. Being raised on the farm was a lot of work compared to what my friends had to do. I had chores that far exceeded picking up my toys and making my bed. My sisters and I had farm jobs: taking care of animals, picking and sorting corn, planting and harvesting pumpkins, helping to make products for our little market, and helping with other various things as they came up every day. This was normal for us and we learned to work together. We also had a lot of fun looking for cats in the hay mile, starting a secret club in the corn crib, skin the cats off the combine, afternoons at the pool, and running through the fields catching bugs, toads, and crayfish in the creek. I wouldn’t trade my childhood for anything in the world. The farm was our “bubble” as we affectionately called it – our escape from the rest of the world.
There’s another side of me, a deeper side. I have the kind of family that went to church every Sunday, we still do. I learned at a young age that even though I may not always feel loved among the people I am with, Christ loves me so much that he gave his life so that my sins could be forgiven. When I was eight years old, a missionary came to my church and spoke about living with and loving on the persecuted people in Afghanistan. This sparked in my heart a new fire. I knew what I wanted to do, only instead of going to Afghanistan, I wanted to go to Africa, I didn’t care what country, I figured God would eventually tell me that, but it has been Africa in my heart for twenty four years.
A lot of things have happened in those twenty four years. I spent almost half of those years in college, drifting from major to major, trying to figure out how to accomplish my goal with little guidance and what felt like a lot of discouragement. Long story short, here I am, living 15 minutes from the farm, working there full-time, married, and Africa seems like a distant dream that I will never be able to reach. Although I am happy for what I have, I am exhausted. As an adult, farm work has become harder, hours have become longer, and it seems as though, for my aunt and uncle, the work never stops at all. Is this my future? The farm that once felt like home now feels like work. Where I once loved to be, I now avoid when I don’t have to be there. It is hard to draw a line between family relationships and employer/employee relationships, and though I am proud of my family, I am becoming more and more convinced that I do not want to give up my dream of being a missionary. At this point in my life, it may never be Africa, but it could be, or it could be anywhere else. I know one thing, though, the farm doesn’t need a missionary, it needs someone with the business skills to run it. While I am a pretty good customer service representative, I am a far cry from business minded. Because of this, I do work every day of my life. I am dissatisfied with my job, and I struggle to find a way out without being a disappointment to my family.
I know I cannot be the only person out there who feels this way. There has to be something more out there for all of us. There has to be a way to wake up feeling energized and excited for the day ahead. Today I am starting my journey towards discovering a new way for me, a new dream, a new Africa. Let me offer a little encouragement to you along the way. It is never too late to find what you love in life. No matter the circumstances you are in, there is always an opportunity to find something better, if you just find the right place to look. Today I have no idea where to start, but I’m not going to let that keep me from looking. I encourage you to do the same. I hope you find your own way to a job you love, and a happy life.
